Basically

I'm Popular, Bitches!

The Philadelphia Weekly said so. Here they are talking about my pageant:

"Hosted by our city’s most popular dating blogger, Anna Goldfarb of Shmitten Kitten, the inaugural Mr. America will walk away with cases of Sly Fox and a judging slot at the next Varsity Cheerleaders pole-dancing competition."

I'm incredibly flattered. What a rad thing to say. I'm gonna go show it to my Mom right now.

Pageantry

I somehow decided that I would emcee my Mister America Pageant on Thursday. I've never emceed anything before. I'm kinda nervous that I'm just gonna get up on stage and make awkward jokes. I probably will do that. Maybe I'll try and create an alter ego to really let loose and command the stage, like how Beyonce does with Sasha Fierce. I'm kidding.

The other thing I'm worried about is what dress to wear. Ideally, I pictured myself wearing something with sequins or maybe neon. But, I don't own anything too flashy and I don't have time to go sequined-dress shopping. I don't even know. I'll probably wear something low-cut and hope that it'll satiate the masses.

So, yeah. Come by on Thursday at Johnny Brenda's. Watch me try to emcee a pageant on just two shots of Jameson and a case of nerves.

So

I have a secret Tumblr blog. I'm debating about whether I should post it here. Would you guys be interested in seeing it? Yes or no?

I Made This

I wanna slap it on a t-shirt.

Sam, My Dear

I have a thing for Sam Rockwell. He's one of my favorite actors. I would totally date him, but he probably has a French wife or some shit. She's probably petite. She probably smells like baby powder and has thin wrists.

I don't smell like baby powder; I smell like flowers. I'm loud. I never diet, I like low-brow Will Ferrell comedies, and I keep my phone in my bra. I'm crass. He'd never go for it.

He probably doesn't care that I loved him in Moon. His performance broke my heart a little bit and it made me miss him even though we've never met. 

Bingo Ringo

I'm imagining us having a beach wedding. I'd wade into the water and find him waiting for me just like this. Wading and waiting. Smile.