This Article Makes My Ovaries Cringe

Philly.com posted this charming story today titled, "I do … Want That Mixer," that basically gives feminism a big ol' sock in the eye and re-affirms everything that I can't stand about boring women: their rampant consumerism, their complete self-absorption, and their utter disconnect from reality.

The point of the whole piece is that the author attempts to offer a guide to couples who are preparing their wedding registries. She surveyed 100 of her buddies (how scientific) to regal us with their "war stories" about registry run-ins. *heavy sigh*

When he asked for my hand in marriage, John knew he had a significant ace up his sleeve - a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. I'd been lusting after this brilliant piece of equipment for as long as he'd known me but was stubbornly waiting for the day I could receive it as a wedding gift. He knew I could never say no to both the man and kitchen appliance of my dreams.

Is this woman seriously saying that she accepted a marriage proposal in part because she wanted to have a mixer for her kitchen? HELLO! Get a job and buy yourself the freakin' mixer. Didn't Destiny's Child write some songs about this? Even if she is just kidding and trying to relay a "cute" anecdote to open her story, the message is clear: getting married is a valid motivation and a socially accepted avenue to accumulate material things.

Here is one of her "guidelines" for registry etiquitte:

Keep in mind the food you actually eat. Don't like Chinese food? Skip the wok.

Thanks for this gem, lady! It never would have occurred to me to keep myself and my habits in mind when picking things out for a registry. Could you be any more condescending?

Sorry to go off on a rant, but I've been feeling bombarded with these kinds of messages about what women should expect from their lives and almost all of it revolves around their ability to buy shit that they don't need.

Last week, I saw the Sex and the City movie and it basically was a huge, outdated advertisement for a soulless, outdated lifestyle. I couldn't relate to their obsession with high-end fashion labels and pricey purses. It's not my bag, so to speak. And, I don't like the idea of my life being judged on the worth of my "things" and to see women playing along with this charade disappoints me. There's more to life than that, ladies.

On that note, I attended a woman's college. Can you tell?